Jason

i need a reason…

i hate this feeling, the feeling that you’re just living each waking moment because you have no other option. (Well, unless you’ve gone way overboard and find suicide an option… not me!) I feel as if I’m just existing but not really living.

Almost everyone knows I’m the "carpe diem!" guy… sieze the day… yeah, i try to… but sometimes I stop and wonder if I’m really making the most out of my life, or I’m just trying to delude myself from the emptiness (is it?!) that I really feel.

I feel that I’m lacking the drive and passion that I’ve always pictured a person living his life to the fullest has. I want to  wake up in the morning looking forward to the day ahead and go to bed at night excited for whats in store for me the next day.

excitement? hmm… maybe thats one crucial thing thats missing. I wish my life would be a little less routinary as it has been for quite some time now. boredom is killing me. i guess a little challenge wouldnt be so bad either…

I’m having a great time with my friends now. My new "tropa" are really fun to be with. Tambay, drinking, playing DotA (a warcraft3 mod). But i guess what i really miss are those long personal and intimate conversations I used to have all so often. I miss baring my soul in deep conversation. I badly long for someone to stimulate my mind (nothing green here, you perv!)

And most of all, i terribly miss my bestfriends… Pei is in the States and I miss all our crazy times together… I long for more of those… Myla is in Qatar, and I wish I could be there for her right now coz shes going through quite a lot now. And May, uhhmmm… shes here in the Philippines but it feels as if shes the farthest from me (well, im kinda used to her being like that)

Did I make any sense here? or is this post just like my other usual rants… well, pardon me… im just typing away what first comes into my head…

well, a reason… basically thats it… i need a reason… and i have no idea where to find it…

This entry was posted on Sunday, August 28th, 2005 at 9:41 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.